


The Incredible Love Story of the Dirty, Cheating, Lecherous, Old Man Pervert and the Knuckleheaded Ninja

by Hanabellchime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanabellchime/pseuds/Hanabellchime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi is in a complicated marriage, and Naruto is a confused teenager, legally considered an adult in Konoha. Alcohol is a factor for poor decision making and messy situations, and our favourite heroes get the spiel of that first hand!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, I'm new to Archive of Our Own and have been itching to write a Kakashi x Naruto story for a while now! Alternate story line where Kakashi is married and Naruto is struggling with his sexuality. It takes place after the Gaara retrieval mission when Naruto comes back from his 2 1/2 to 3 year journey with Jiraya. Naruto is a legal adult at 16 in Konoha and Kakashi is 29. 
> 
> Hoping to get lots of reviews, if you love the story let me know! :) And I would love feedback, comments, questions and criticisms on what I can include and what I can do to make it better! 
> 
> First chapter isn't very long, it's more of a prologue than anything!
> 
> Thanks again guys, hope you enjoy my first story! I'm hoping to update every couple of days, but I work ALOT and I head back to school in September so some updates may come sooner rather than later.

     “Fuck.”

     Naruto didn’t move a muscle, just continued to sleep peacefully, drooling all over his pillow while Kakashi laid still beside him and stared at his former student in complete horror as memories of the night before flooded into the copy-nin’s mind, which was pounding.

     “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Kakashi whispered harshly, turning his head away from the sight and looked wearily up at the stucco ceiling above him. He could feel and hear his heart pumping blood rapidly in his body as a million thoughts and feelings he didn’t know what to do with overwhelmed him.  He began to assess the situation he was in, praying it truly wasn’t he thought it was, secretly hoping it was some sort of genjutsu.

     Trying what he at least had to try, he silently moved shaky hands to create a hand sign and with an unsteady voice whispered, “Kai!”

     He kept his hands sealed together in a vice grip as he stared up at the ceiling, waiting for any sort of wavering in his vision that would bring him back to reality, the denial of any situation other than this one strong and rearing its ugly head. After 45 seconds of increasing despair, he slowly released his hands with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Kakashi immediately noticed the large painting of the Konoha village symbol that was posted on the wall just above the bed. They were in Naruto’s apartment, and Kakashi wasn’t sure if that brought him relief or more anxiety.

      He sat up quietly, shivering as the sheets that had been covering his – Kakashi realized mournfully – naked body slid down his upper half and pooled at his waist. He took in the dishevelment of the tiny bedroom apartment seeing orange and dark blue clothes strewn everywhere, his eyes settling on Naruto’s orange boxers hanging off the edge of the bed right next to a tube of lubrication Kakashi knew was his own. Finally turning once again to gaze upon the blonde sleeping peacefully beside him in Naruto’s tiny cramped bed, he could see dark purple marks littering the tan neck that he remembered biting so forcefully the night before. Little licks of blue and white encircled the wounds.

     They were infused with his chakra.

     “Fuck.” Kakashi sunk his face into his hands, feeling the smooth skin of his cheeks and lips which caused him to curse again. He vividly imagined, no, _remembered_ , everything that happened the previous night. The drunk (and delayed) welcome back party for Naruto, Naruto and himself drinking copious amounts of alcohol, Naruto sitting on his lap, Naruto following him outside the bar, Naruto pushing him into the alleyway behind the bar, Naruto on his knees, Naruto undoing his pants, Naruto naked on a bed, Naruto moaning as Kakashi bit him and shoved his di—

     He felt an unwanted stirring between his legs and groaned, trying to think of dead kittens, dead puppies, Gai in a thong, _anything_. This was it, this was the deciding factor (coupled with his incessant reading of Icha Icha Paradise), he was a dirty old man, a lecher, a pervert. He was dirty, lecherous, old man pervert who had literally fucked his (former) student’s brains out. He took his hands away from his face and noticed a small white line around his left ring finger and then realized with a pang of insufferable guilt that he was also a cheater.

     He was a cheating, dirty, lecherous, old man pervert who had probably just made the biggest mistake in the whole 29 years of his life.

     That killed his erection faster than anything could.

     “Fuck.” He breathed pondering over what he should do. He was more tempted to go off and do the wrong thing, which would be to leave before Naruto woke up, he didn’t want to deal with whatever the fuck they had just done. He didn’t want to deal with whatever the fuck _he_ had just done. Why did he _let_ it happen? He wasn’t Naruto’s sensei anymore, but he was still a colleague, a teammate, a leader, a fellow ninja who was supposed to be guiding him. Last night, he probably did give _some_ guidance, but it wasn’t the guidance that Jiraya, or Tsunade or Naruto for that matter had in mind. The right thing to do would be to stay and wait for Naruto to wake up but he wasn’t sure what he would do. Would he scream, cry, laugh, stay silent (unlikely) or pulverize Kakashi? He had a brief image in his mind of Naruto releasing all that red Kyuubi chakra that surfaced whenever he was angry. Like, _really_ fucking angry. Like the time when he had thought Haku had killed Sasuke in the land of waves. He hadn’t witnessed it, but Sasuke had given him a pretty good idea of what it looked like.

     Suddenly driven with cold feet of the aftermath that was to come when Naruto woke up and _I’m getting the fuck out of here_ , he crept out of the tiny bed like he would creep out of an enemy hideout, using stealth to grab his clothes and get dressed as quickly as possible. Kakashi was a man of thought and strategy, but when he wanted to be, he was also a man of instinct and that was what he was following.

     Apparently it wasn’t enough at this particular moment because in the middle of pulling up his mask, he froze upon hearing Naruto’s snoring abruptly stop as he stirred, grumbling to himself as he emerged from the grasps of sleep. Kakashi could hear him shift in his bed, no doubt sitting up. He was sure this was the work of the gods having their revenge on Kakashi for being a cheating, dirty, lecherous, old man pervert. His old sensei, may he rest in peace, especially after what Kakashi did to his one and only son, was probably making sure of it.

     He felt like a complete ass (and he was) for what he was doing, and he figured it was a package deal.

     Kakashi dropped his mask and let it pool around his neck and sighed tiredly, turning around to face Naruto with a guilty and hung over grimace. He took in the sight of the Jinchuriki host, rubbing his eyes and yawning loudly as he opened those tired and equally hung over blue orbs to look at Kakashi with a puzzled expression. Kakashi would have thought it was adorable any other day, but it was hard to see past all the marks and hickies he had left the night before that he could now see all over Naruto’s torso and abdomen as the sheet no longer covered his upper half.

     “Kaka-sensei?” he muttered as he opened his eyes wider. Kakashi held his breath, remaining stoically silent, accepting that he probably deserved what was going to come next as he watched Naruto slowly look down at himself. He could see what he would call a rude awakening as Naruto jolted upon seeing all the teeth marked bruises, running his hands over them and examining them in an increased frenzy.

     “Kakashi-sensei…?” He said in a low voice as he looked around the room, his blue eyes darting across every single detail that Kakashi had taken in when he first awoke. Kakashi wanted to grimace (and kick himself for not grabbing that first) when Naruto’s eyes landed on his orange boxers crumpled up at the end of the bed with a tube of lubrication laying next to it. “Kakashi-sensei….?!” He said, loudly, his voice rising in frequency and urgency.

     He lifted up the sheet that covered the rest of his body, blushing crimson and looked at Kakashi’s pale and weary face, eyes widening as he noticed it was bare and all there for him to see. Naruto’s mouth gaped open, hands flying up to his hair to fist it in absolute horror.

     “KAKASHI-SENSEI?!?!?!”

     “Fuck.”

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Putting out Fires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, there! Had a day off from work today so I just wrote this chapter all day to be able to post it! I'm super excited to update again! I have a day off on Friday so hopefully I am able to get a chapter out then too!
> 
> This chapter is a little longer and gives some insight into certain situations and relationships that are currently huge messes!
> 
> Thanks for those who have left kudos and everything, It makes me happy to know people are reading and enjoying. If anyone has any questions, comments or criticisms, please comment away or send me a message, I'd love the feedback!
> 
> Anyways, here's chapter 2!

            _"Kakashi -sensei, do a shot with me!" An intoxicated Naruto roared across the bar to his former sensei sitting quietly in a booth reading Icha Icha Paradise. When Kakashi didn't take the book down from his face or acknowledge him, Naruto stumbled to where he was sitting and slid in very closely beside him. "Kaka-seeeeennnnssseeeeeiiii...." he whined in Kakashi's ear._

_Kakashi took his book down and stared down at Naruto disinterestingly, "Mah, Naruto, I wanna read my book in peace. Can't you let me do that?" he drawled, elbowing the blonde to move away from him, his personal space being encroached on by his former student. He also smelled like alcohol, which Kakashi wasn't too fond of. He put the book back up to his face, hoping Naruto would get the message and leave him be._

_He was here to rejoice in his student coming home, thinking they were going to go and have a nice dinner or just a **few** drinks. Much to his dismay, instead of doing that, he was surrounded by a bunch of drunk teenagers, Tsunade, Jiraya, Guy and even Iruka. Even Ebisu showed up and Kakashi wasn't sure what to think of that. He supposed it made sense, it was a pretty sleazy bar. The music was loud and distasteful and it smelled like sweat and booze. He smelled like sweat and booze. He wasn't even sweating or touching the booze. He was also disappointed to find that Naruto was a loud drunk with no personal boundaries, much like Jiraya, go figure. What else had he taught him? His cute student had been corrupted. _

_This also wasn't Kakashi's kind of scene either._

_"But, Kakashi-sensei, I missed you..." Naruto purred, grabbing the book and dragging it down from his face again. The book gave way to a now disinterested and annoyed Kakashi and he silently berated himself for not going home sooner.  "And I wanna see you take off that mask..." Naruto slurred, looking up Kakashi and giving him his best drunk puppy eyes._

_Kakashi sighed and looked down at his former student, all flushed and dreamy eyed. He hadn't really gotten a good look at Naruto since he had been back, all the missions and drama they had been involved in, he really hadn't seen the true detail of Naruto's maturity over the past three years. His face was angular, a stronger jaw line and a perfectly straight nose that hadn't been broken. His eyes were still the same hue of blue and his lips were full and smooth. Kakashi had already seen the definition of Naruto's body, though, during leisurely visits to the hotsprings on missons. He had seen the way his shoulders had become broad and how the 3 years of vigorous training with Jiraya had built defined muscle and a lean, toned body._

_Kakashi supposed his pre-pubescent student had begun to grow into the bombshell of what he had heard many female and male shinobi around Konoha call him._

_It was at this moment, though, he noticed how close his face was to Naruto's, and how silent the two had become with one another. Kakashi took in the smoldering look the tan blonde was giving him, or the smoldering look the tan blonde had **locked** on him. He felt rooted into place by the gaze, feeling his face become warm underneath his mask. It was like everything was happening around them, and they were trapped within a bubble together, keeping one another in place. He felt electricity metaphorically speaking, rush through them and it startled him to feel such connectivity._

_He almost thought he felt himself move closer, before he caught himself and jerked away from the blonde shinobi at the sound of a glass breaking and Sakura's distant drunken voice challenging people to arm wrestle her._ _He shook his head lightly, figuring all the sweat and alcohol stenches were getting to him. He smiled at Naruto earnestly then who was giving him a pleading look at this point, "Please, Kaka-sensei?"_

_He sighed, "Alright, alright, Naruto."_

_The Jinchuriki beamed with his signature grin, and dragged Kakashi out of his booth towards the bar, Kakashi barely managing to grab his book off the sticky table and shove it into his weapons pocket._

_"I'm not taking off my mask."_

* * *

 

            Kakashi was pleasantly surprised to find that Naruto hadn’t beaten the living shit out of him with that nine tailed beast inside of him.

            At least not yet.

            Instead, the knuckleheaded ninja had done the whole screaming and yelling scenario, along with some pretty heavy hyperventilating that had Kakashi worrying about whether or not he was going to have to take Naruto to the hospital if he passed out. He was relieved when he had finally managed to calm the blonde down with the unlimited promises of ramen that he would pay for, because that was literally the least he could do anyhow and it calmed Naruto down. He had also managed to get Naruto to at least put on a pair of orange sweatpants so he wasn’t sitting there naked in all his naked glory.

            Kakashi was calling this part of the morning a win for the most part.

            Now, Naruto was completely silent (which surprised Kakashi entirely), staring through the window in his tiny apartment at the blue morning sky, deep in contemplation, and what looked like a raging war with himself. He tapped his fingers on his knees in an inconsistent drum pattern that Kakashi watched tiredly as he waited for him to say something, _anything_. He was beginning to feel the first few pangs of anxiety that he first felt when he awoke this morning, foolishly wondering if Naruto was going to speak again at all.

            Was he ever going to speak to Kakashi again?

            Kakashi didn’t think that one was foolish.

            He swallowed a nervous lump in throat, surprised at how overwhelming that thought was alone. He couldn’t imagine a life without his knuckleheaded ninja, Naruto had always been someone who he thought of as a near and dear person in his life, he knew that the absence of his presence in Kakashi’s life would leave something to be desired. All three of his students were near and dear to him, even Sasuke, the little bastard that he was, was still someone he thought of as precious. However, Naruto had always been his favourite, he had grown faster and stronger than Sasuke and Sakura and had overcome many odds that would’ve dragged anyone else down long before. There was a reason that he Konoha’s most unpredictable ninja, and Kakashi was proud of him for it, it made Naruto who he was.

            However, he had been sitting in complete silence for the past 20 minutes now (which was not who Naruto was) and while trying to give him the silence and space he needed to contemplate what the _fuck_ was happening, he was getting antsy. He _needed_ to talk, another surprising revelation, because Kakashi wasn’t one for much chatter, let alone about himself or complex and dramatic situations he didn’t really care for having.

            When he was finally going to speak up, Naruto quietly said, “What are we going to do, Kakashi-sensei?” he kept his eyes averted to the window refusing to even move his head in Kakashi’s direction.

            Kakashi sighed in relief (thank fuck he was talking to him) and in exasperation, “First of all, you’re going to just call me Kakashi right now. I don’t think I can do this conversation if you’re calling me sensei.”

            Naruto was quiet for another moment before nodding hesitantly. “Right, okay, that makes sense…Kakashi…?” Naruto looked over at him, an uncomfortable and shy expression sweeping over his features leaving his statement as a question. Kakashi smiled at him weakly and nodded with one eye closed and the other making direct contact with his former student. He had also kept his mask off, figuring there was no point in pulling it up. It felt weird to smile, or to feel a breeze upon his cheeks without the dark blue fabric covering his features. It was also kind of refreshing, considering his situation.

            It was fucking _awkward_ though. He could see Naruto scrutinizing his face, as if trying to burn it into his memory. He probably was, such a shame that these were the circumstances he finally got to see what was under Kakashi Hatake’s mask. Naruto had surprisingly kept quiet about the fact that Kakashi’s face was there for him to see, and he felt a little relieved, there were bigger tings to worry about.

            “What are we going to do, Kakashi?” Naruto asked again, voice low and steady. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do, so you have to tell me.” He averted his eyes to the floor again as Kakashi felt guilt welling up in the pit of stomach. Naruto looked so lost, his face was so pale and his eyes were tired, Naruto Uzumaki looked utterly defeated and Kakashi felt pretty fucking awful about it. He probably looked the same way Naruto did because he felt it. He was lost, broken, unsure of what the hell he was going to do. He didn’t have a fucking clue.

            “I have no idea. I have no idea where to begin.” He answered honestly, heaving a big breath and looking out the window. He could see birds flying off in the distance, and for a brief moment Kakashi was envious of their freedom to soar. He was dying for any piece of that serenity. “But we have to try and fix this.” He saw Naruto give a brief nod in acknowledgment and felt a little more relaxed. At least he knew that Naruto was willing to try and work it out.

            There was a small deafening silence.

            “Kakashi I’m so so - ” Naruto began suddenly, whipping his head up desperately, but Kakashi stopped him abruptly, by putting his hand up to silence the Jinchuriki.

            “Don’t. Please, don’t.” He looked up at Naruto and gave him the best comforting smile he could. “This is not your fault. I took advantage, I was the one who should’ve stopped, but I didn’t. I am supposed to be your teacher, mentor, teammate and leader and I betrayed that trust you put in me. I am the one who should be sorry, Naruto.” The blonde opened his mouth to protest, but Kakashi cut him off before he could continue, “please, do not argue with me. I don’t want my actions to be justified, I take full responsibility.”

            “You make it sound like this happened against my will.” Naruto said bluntly, and Kakashi blushed in astonishment at the boldness of the blonde. Naruto had always been bold, but certainly not…sexual things or…anything like that. He briefly remembered an amusing conversation he had gotten to witness when Naruto had asked Iruka where babies came from. Jiraya really had matured him at least in some sort of way other than becoming a better and strong ninja. He thought the boldness from last night had come from the alcohol. “I came on to you, remember?” he finished.

            Oh, fuck yes, Kakashi remembered. He painstakingly (not really, though) remembered every singe detail of the night. He even had a collection of home movies that he took while in a drunken stupor because he was a dirty, cheating, lecherous, old man pervert with a Sharingan and a dick. He wasn’t proud of it. Of course, Naruto had initiated it, and according to Kakashi’s home movies, he had even begged for it, asked for it, moaned for it, so he finished it. He supposed it took two to tango, though.

             Nonetheless, he still felt guilty.

            “Alright, fine. We both…got the ball rolling.” He settled reluctantly, feeling a little bit better in the long run, turning his head away with a sigh. He was relieved Naruto wasn’t holding some type of grudge or holding in any anger. He was even equally accepting responsibility for what happened.

            He was honestly kind of floored, because he was really getting a full on glimpse between last night and this morning on how much Naruto had actually matured (physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually…) in the time he took an absence from Konoha. He almost felt a little sad, remembering the innocent boy with a loud mouth and a load of immaturity whom he had taken on as his student. He always knew Naruto had the nobility of a true ninja though, it was so evident, and it had certainly come out as he matured into his early adult years.

            “Kakashi?” Naruto’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. He looked at his former student with a curious gaze. He knew some type of question was coming.

            “Hmm?”

            “I didn’t know you were into guys.”

            Kakashi cocked his head to the side a little bit, “Well it’s not something I advertise, I’m not one for gender preferences.” He gave Naruto a little smirk, “I could say the same for you.”

            Naruto’s mouth shot open, his eyes widening, “Oh, no, I don’t like guys!” Naruto quickly said, a little too loudly, turning red and putting his hands up in defence. Kakashi’s smile disappeared at the revelation and he gave Naruto a hard look, which he noticed and laughed nervously, “It was the alcohol, you know what that stuff does to people!”

            “Alcohol makes you gay and makes you come on to your teacher?” Kakashi deadpanned, voice smooth and monotone. “And then you’re perfectly straight the next morning?” Kakashi knew alcohol could do a lot of things, but dry humping your former sensei in a bar and dragging him outside to give a blow job in an alley wasn’t one of them unless you were truly gay. Inhibitions went out the window, Kakashi was more than aware, but not all of them.

            Naruto’s face contorted into something Kakashi couldn’t recognize, and he hesitated for a brief moment before saying, “I had some bad sake I think, probably made me a little loopy.” He turned away from his former teachers stare and said point blank, “I like girls, I’m still trying to court Sakura, you know! It was a mistake; I didn’t mean to do it.”

            A painful constriction in his chest had Kakashi wincing at his words, a discomforting feeling of nausea settling in the pit of his gut. He was startled at his reaction because whole heartedly, he agreed with Naruto’s words. It _was_ a mistake; it was a _huge_ fucking mistake. They didn’t mean to do it, Kakashi knew that better than anyone, but it still hurt, for whatever reason.

            He chalked it up to being hung over. Alcohol really did do a number on you. Maybe Naruto was right.

            “Anyways,” Kakashi started, grabbing Naruto’s attention from the window, averting the conversation to more serious matters. “We need to forget this ever happened. Or at least, never speak of it again. No one knows. That’s our starting point.” He figured at least not talking about it would get them back to some sort of normal point in their relationship. He was dead set on not letting this experience ruin the perfectly platonic mentorship he shared with Naruto, he didn’t want to lose him from his life and he didn’t want to make his life more complicated that it had to be.

            He didn’t want it to be more complicated than he had already made it.

            Naruto nodded his head in understanding though, at least cracking a true smile for the first time that morning, which in turn made Kakashi smile as well. He felt like everything was going to be okay, and it seemed Naruto felt that way too. He nodded at him and slowly stood up, pulling up his mask, and then tying his headband around his forehead. He walked around to the edge of the bed to pull on his shoes and then looked at Naruto, who was watching him closely, almost as if he was debating on saying something to him.

            “Mah, Naruto, what is it?”

            He hesitated briefly for a moment, and Kakashi nodded at him to continue. He was silent for another moment, before quietly saying, “What about Kyoko-sensei?”

_Fuck,_ he was hoping Naruto wouldn't bring that up.

            Kakashi’s eyebrows furrowed beneath his headband with a frown that creased beneath his mask. There was the other fuck up he had to deal with. “You don’t need to worry about that,” he said softly, but quickly. “Like I said Naruto, I really fucked up here. This whole ordeal is on me, not you, as much as you’d like to take the blame for it. I was supposed to be someone mentoring you while being your teammate and I failed miserably at both. All the while, I’ve fucked up with someone else in my life.” He sighed, his head was really hurting and he felt sick. He really just wanted to go home and take a shower and sleep for the rest of his life. He was starting to feel like everything wasn’t going to be fine again.

            “I feel guilty…” Naruto continued, and Kakashi grimaced. “This whole time we’ve been trying to figure out what to do, I haven’t once thought of her until now. She’s your wi - ”

            Kakashi abruptly cut him off, feeling a surge of annoyance, anxiety and frustration, “Look Naruto, this isn’t your fault. Please don’t make things harder on yourself than they already are.” Kakashi watched Naruto flinch at his tone and immediately felt a surge of remorse. He took a deep breath in, calming himself down, and spoke again, softly, “I’m sorry. I just…want to move past this and I don’t know how.”

            Naruto sat still, staring down at the crumpled sheets of his bed. He looked worn out, tired, listless. He didn’t look like the knuckleheaded ninja Kakashi knew he was, and he knew it was all his fault. He wanted to walk over and give him a head ruffle, or lay his hand on his shoulder, but he felt even the slightest bit of contact would make things more awkward than they already were. He instead settled for a soft, “I’ll see you later, okay? You can call me sensei again.”

            Naruto looked up at him and grinned, weakly, looking relieved that he could an honorific again, and nodded, but Kakashi could see it was forced. It was discomforting to Kakashi, he had never known Naruto to fake a grin, so he turned away from him, feeling awkward and out of place as he walked towards the door in Naruto’s apartment. He was too tired to teleport himself home and settled for the walk of shame across the rooftops of Konoha. He needed the fresh air to clear his head, anyways.

            Just as he was reaching for the door knob, he heard a quiet, “Kakashi-sensei?”

            Oh, _fuck_ , what now?

            “Yes, Naruto?” He said tiredly, not turning around to look at the blonde. He stared at the golden door knob that had dents, scratches and chipped paint. He felt like a _fucking_ doorknob, Christ he _related_ to it. He quietly waited for Naruto to say something, becoming impatient as seconds passed by, close to becoming minutes.

            Just as he was in the midst of deciding that Naruto really wasn’t going to say anything and he was going to get the _fuck_ out of here, like he had originally intended, Konoha’s most unpredictable ninja said, “You really shouldn’t wear that mask of yours.”

            Kakashi took in what he said turning to face the figure sitting with his back towards him on the bed, fidgeting nervously. He smiled slightly under his mask, as he turned the knob and opened the door, “I’ll keep that in mind. Don’t tell anyone you know what my face looks like.”

            The door shut quietly then and Naruto was left alone in his apartment. He sat dead still for a moment before reaching up to pull his hair, flushing red, “I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled.

* * *

            Kakashi was grateful for the fact that Kyoko was away on a mission and wouldn’t be back until later on in the evening. He had made it home without any distractions or run-ins and had showered and washed his clothes completely of what had happened the night before. He even rinsed his sandals and headband and laid them out to dry. By the time he finished cleaning up himself and his home and getting everything in order, it was sunset.

            He sat there in the living room on the couch in the fading darkness in dark blue sweat pants and a dark blue tank with a mask on his face, trying to figure out what he was going to do. What was he going to do when Kyoko came home? Could he tell her what he had done? It wasn’t like their marriage was great in the first place anyways. However, Kakashi was an honest man if anything, he didn’t want to live on a lie.

            They had both done the same thing after all.

            She deserved to know. Whether Kakashi wanted to tell her to hurt her back or to really just be truly honest, he didn’t know.

            Maybe it was both. He really didn’t want to hurt her, but the temptation was so strong he felt ashamed. That wasn’t what Kakashi stood for. Kyoko had been part of his life for 11 years, and despite the pain she had caused Kakashi, he didn’t want to hurt her, but he already had by doing the very same thing she had done to him. He also didn’t know if he could ever lie to her.

            But he had slept with Naruto for fuck sakes! How was he supposed to tell his _wife_ that he had fucked his former student while she was away on probably a life threatening mission?  He felt like scum, and honestly he knew he was the lowest of the low.

            They had gotten married right after they both had gotten out of Anbu black-ops, which he figured may have been their first mistake. Too young to know what they wanted, maybe? No, probably not. Kakashi had always known what he wanted, and so did she, they were ninjas after all, certainty was in their job description. Married out of the fact that they thought they had no one to depend on? Perhaps. They were all they had when Kakashi had been assigned a series of missions over the course of two years with her. She was a brilliant ninja (one Kakashi respected highly, even now), she was called the Silent Reflector of Konoha, known for her stealth and genjustu to trick enemies into interrogation without them even seeing her or being in their presence. Her genjutsu was a kekkei genkai infused technique with terrorizing techniques and imagery using a reflection of a mirror to reflect and let her victims relive the hardships and traumas they once experienced in their lives with 100,000x the emotional and physical pain. She was from the Mokusatsu clan, one not native to the Hidden leave village, but a small town 50 something miles west of Konoha. She had been enrolled in the academy with special permission from the Sandaime, and became a ninja from the Hidden Leaf to put her family traits into good use.

            They were a magnificent team, the Copy Nin and the Silent Interrogator of Konoha who cracked multiple S-rank missions and cases. They were once a magnificent couple, as well. They had been through so much together, Kakashi had once imagined a life where he couldn’t be without her, he depended on her and worked with her so well. She had also been an amazing partner, up until they had started having problems. She was supportive, loving, caring, when she had time she would even make a home cooked meal for him which was always out the way for her because she was usually so tired between missions but she did it anyways.

            Lately though, he just couldn’t think about her. His thoughts were never filled with her as they once were, and that was happening long before she had gone and slept with someone else. Now, whenever he thought of her consciously or even unconsciously, he felt nothing at all. He remembered the lull they started to have in their relationship, one that lasted quite a while. They were both gone on missions, too tired and too lazy to talk or to have any sort of emotional and physical connection. They were getting into fights, fights that he never thought they would ever have, ones that left him empty and Kyoko crying. They had a particularly bad fight, Kakashi couldn’t even remember what it was about for whatever reason and he had left on a mission where they hadn’t even attempted to smooth things over. When he came early from that mission with the resolve to make things right and to make their relationship work, he found her in bed with Genma, of all people, who at the time was with Anko.

            It had happened just after Naruto left for training with Jiraya, and Kakashi had at first left Kyoko for a little while. He stayed with Guy, who was strangely comforting, before deciding that he at least had to try to work things out with her.

           That was two years ago, and clearly they had made minimal progress.

            Lost in his thoughts, he ironically never even heard her come through the door until she was standing right in front of him. Silent interrogator for sure. He started and looked up at her as she stared down at him with a concerned expression. “Ah, Kyoko, you’re home. Mah, how was your mission?”

            “Kakashi, are you alright?” She asked kneeling down in front of him, a frown gracing her features. Kakashi took her in, and even after everything, he still thought she was beautiful. Flowing brown hair and ice blue eyes, she wasn’t tall, but she wasn’t short either. A strong and lean body, which she wrapped with bandages and wore a tight fitting white kunoichi dress, one much like what Sakura used to wear. Guy had always called Kakashi a lucky man, and he did believe it, but it was hard to see it now. She moved her hand towards him to pull down his mask and he flinched away on instinct.

            He grasped her hand and moved it gently away from him, trying to keep his voice level, “I’m fine, Kyoko. Just tired.”

            She looked at him for a moment, hurt evident in her eyes at his dismissal and sighed quietly. This was how they going to start the evening, after they hadn’t seen each other for months. Kakashi felt a surge of guilt well through him as she looked away from him, and all the memories from the previous night flooded through his memory, speeding up his heart, forcing him to swallow a lump of nervousness that made its way up his throat. He _had_ to tell her, he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t. Here she was, fucking trying and it was more than what he could say for himself. There were tears welling in her eyes.

            “Kyoko, I-”

            “Kakashi, are you ever going to forgive me?” she cut him off, voice rising in a watery snap as her voice shook with tears while she looked back at him. Her stare was hard like stone and ice combined, it threw him off kilter, because he had only ever seen that stare while in the midst of combat.

            And now she was directing it at him. It sent shivers down his spine.

            He didn’t say anything, unsure if he should say anything, he truly didn’t know how to answer the question. His silence angered her further, “because if you aren’t going to forgive me, I need to know!”

            “Kyoko, wa-”

            “I don’t know how much longer I can take this…” She stood up abruptly, stumbling backwards a little bit, and Kakashi reached and caught her hand to steady her but she snatched it away. “Don’t!”

            She walked away from him, stumbling while she went, tripping over the shoes she had kicked off when she came into the apartment, storming into the kitchen. Kakashi stood up after her, “Kyoko, you have to listen to me!”

            She whipped around, “Do you love me? Do you even want to be with me?”

            He stopped dead in his footsteps as he stood in the living room while she stood in the kitchen, the hall and the doorway between them dividing them, which Kakashi regretfully found symbolic. He stared at her with tears rolling down her cheeks, unsure of what to say. He didn’t know the answer, but he had been working on it, for two years he had been working on it, but he didn’t have a solid answer for her, especially not after what happened last night. He would’ve liked to think he did, but he just wasn’t sure where that love or desire had gone.

            At his continued silence, she scowled, “Answer me!”

            He looked away from her, having trouble voicing himself and a clear answer. After a few more seconds of listening to Kyoko’s angered sniffles, he whispered, “I don’t know.”

            He heard a pained noise in her throat, and the tension in the room finally released. Kakashi felt relieved as he heard her turn and step further into the kitchen. He looked up and saw her leaning on a chair with her back facing him at their small little dining room table that was hardly ever touched. He waited for a moment, unsure if he should go in and comfort her or confess, or if he should keep his distance. He remembered her battle stare that she had used on him only a few minutes before and opted to keep his distance until she made a clear move.

            They stood there for about 10 minutes, Kakashi waiting patiently for her response. When she finally stood up straight and looked back towards him, she wasn’t angry anymore. She looked how Naruto had looked this morning. Broken, unsure, unsteady, lost.

            Defeated.

            “You need to figure it out then,” she said softly.

            “Kyoko, I need to-”

            “I need to know if my time in our marriage is worth it,” she said softly. He stiffened at her remark, waves of guilt crashing into him as he realized how selfish he was being. She cheated, and lied to him, and here he was, doing the same thing to her. However, he was frozen in place, unable to voice himself. Kyoko walked towards him and stood in front of him until she was only inches away from him. She lifted her hand to place it on his cheek, but she didn’t attempt to pull his mask down. Kakashi let her and closed his eye at the contact, unsure if he wanted it or not.

            He wasn’t sure about a damn thing.

            They stood there for a while like that, Kakashi at an inner war with himself over (trying) to tell her about Naruto. Kyoko eventually moved away from him before he could say anything else and walked down the hallway to their bedroom and softly shut the door. Kakashi opened his eye when he heard the quiet enclosure sound throughout the quiet and dark apartment.

            He was scum.

            He also really did once remember a time where he truly loved his wife.

            Where that love had gone, he didn’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Expressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAH ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I POSTED. I don't know if anyone out there is still reading this story, but I want to apologize for the lack of updates in like...8 months!!   
> I've had an incredibly busy year at school this year and I've been dealing with some health issues, so the time to update has been so limited. I've also been considering all the directions and plans I want to incorporate into this story. I've rewritten this chapter like 50 million times...I guess I've sorta had writers block, so I apologize to anyone who was reading this and then suddenly got left in the dark. This chapter might be kind of unfocused, but I hope it gives some insight into situations that will be main factors for later events in this story! Since school is ending and I am just about finished exams, I'm hoping the summer will be filled with lots of updates and lots of inspiration! I will finish this story, no matter what it takes!
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_Kakashi hadn’t been wasted like this in a long time. Probably a few years since he had drank this much alcohol._

_He didn’t know how many shots he’d had or how many cups of sake…or…bottles of sake he’d gone through, but he knew it was a lot. He found he didn’t really care all that much though, because he had his tan, blonde and blue eyed (former, **adult,** Kakashi thought gleefully) student straddling him in his chair while he downed another shot through his mask. _

_The liquid burned his throat as he tipped his head down to look back into Naruto’s hazy blue orbs that felt like they were staring straight into his soul in deep contemplation. “Mah, Naruto, what’re you thinking bout’?” he slurred, fighting the urge to bring his hands up from the side of his chair and cup the blonde’s behind. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but he found all his inhibitions were out the window and he was so close to just grabbing the blonde and taking him home to have his way with him. Restraint was something Kakashi never struggled with (except when it came to Icha Icha Paradise) but he was struggling, struggling harder than he ever had in his whole life. Naruto had crawled into his lap on his own will, what else was Kakashi supposed to think about?_

_Thank god everyone else had gone home while Naruto and Kakashi had continued to get trashed. Tsunade would’ve killed Kakashi, Sakura would’ve killed Naruto, Gai would’ve screamed about the springtime of youth and love, Jiraiya would take notes for his next book, Ebisu either would’ve screamed or had a nosebleed and Iruka would’ve broke down and sobbed. The rest of Naruto’s friends would’ve fainted or laughed. Yamato would’ve put up some sort of wooden barrier to subdue them with a jutsu from the First Hokage._

_It would’ve been a mood killer, to say the least._

_Naruto was quiet for a moment, swaying slightly from side to side, Kakashi distantly remembering for every bottle of sake he had and for every shot he had, Naruto would equal him with the same amount. He waited another moment for the Jinchuriki to answer, moving his hands slowly in preparation to grab at Naruto’s ass, when Naruto completely shocked him, “I was thinking bout givin’ ya a blow job, Kakashi-seeeenseeeiii.”_

_He snickered and giggled while Kakashi’s mouth most noticeably dropped behind his mask, face turning into a cherry. “Naruto…”_

_Naruto shifted his hips forward a little bit, rubbing his own hardness on Kakashi’s aching one, causing them to both stifle a moan. He slithered out of Kakashi’s lap, grabbing Kakashi’s hand that was stuck in mid air and pulled him out of the chair. They stumbled out of the bar, Naruto leading him around the side to a dark alley, the wall they moved up against hidden by a partially unfinished fence, kind of like it was put there specifically for **this** purpose. _

_Kakashi didn’t know what to think, one moment Naruto was on his lap, close to kissing him and now they were outside a sleazy bar and Naruto getting down on his knees to do the unthinkable._

_So fast, so much, so hot._

_Naruto pressed himself against Kakashi, reaching up, not to pull his mask down, but to push his headband up to reveal his closed scarred eye, which held his sharingan. Kakashi let him, letting his hands lay limps by his sides, his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel a small glimpse of hesitation in his body, about how this was his former student, and what this would possibly do to their relationship. It was minimal though, because Kakashi was staring at Naruto, the blue eyes, the blonde hair, the mouth, the nose, the whiskered cheeks freezing him in place, more so now than it ever had. He was **beautiful**. _

_“Open your eye, Kaka-sensei, I want you to remember me doing this…” Naruto whispered as he dropped to his knees and undid Kakashi’s pants slowly, pulling them down along with his dark boxers, revealing his massive arousal. He obeyed Naruto, for whatever fucking crazy reason, and opened his eye, like he was pressing a record button on a camera. He watched Naruto stare at it curiously, before smiling and kissing the tip, causing Kakashi to shudder and fight the urge to tip his head back. He felt another small surge of hesitation, and he placed his hands in Naruto’s hair, while he stared back up at Kakashi._

_“Naruto, I…you don’t have to…” Kakashi offered weakly._

_“C’mon, Kaka-sensei…” Naruto smirked, and then took him in all in one swallow, causing Kakashi to cry out in a high-pitched whine at the sheer intensity of the heat._

_“Fuck!”_

* * *

 

_Something is…wrong…?_ Kyoko thought to herself, watching Kakashi quietly eat his breakfast from across the table. The silver haired man picked at his rice slowly while reading his favourite Icha Icha novel, seemingly content and comfortable. He was carefree and lazy, something which was usually his everyday norm, making her wonder if maybe she was reading too much into things, however she didn’t think so. She watched him take a mouthful of rice and chew it slowly and quietly while his eyes scanned the pages of the novel he held up in front of his bare face.

      She supposed that was some sort of progress.

      Kyoko rarely ever saw Kakashi’s face anymore. Of course, she was gone on missions that usually embodied an over-extended amount of time she had to be away from Konoha to complete it, but even before…the incident two years ago, Kakashi never wore his mask around her. She remembered the times before they had their problems that she would come home and he would be sitting there, mask down, reading that stupidly perverted book of his. Then he would look up at her as soon as she came through the door, and flash her that stupidly pretty smile that belonged on that stupidly pretty face, never ceasing to wash away any trials and worries that had accumulated over her missions, especially the more trying ones. She used to look forward to coming home, especially since she was gone for weeks or months on end a lot of the time, just for Kakashi. However, coming home now was a different story. Since…the incident, it was a rare treat for her to ever see her husband without his mask.

     Of course, she understood why, she had betrayed his trust in a way that was not easily fixable, and she knew just how hard it was to get Kakashi to trust anyone in the first place. She knew she was the first person for the first time in a long while that he had opened up to since the deaths of Obito, Rin and Minato and before them, Kakashi spent years as a child shutting everyone out after his father had killed himself. It was no wonder it was like pulling teeth to get the man to show some emotion and affection for someone else or to tell them how he truly felt on the inside.

     That mask was in place for many reasons, one of them probably because women and men would fling themselves at him (Kakashi would never admit that) but one of the most important ones, was that he was afraid to bare himself. It wasn’t the overall expression, anyone who didn’t know the man well enough would assume he was without a care in the world. However, it was the small details, how much his eyebrows were creased, how his mouth was set, how much he blinked.  Kyoko knew that his facial expressions and their minute details gave way to the most inner thoughts and feelings that not even Kakashi himself acknowledged, and at one point in their relationship, she had the privilege to be the only person to ever know.

     But she had lost that honour for the most part, and she regretted it more than anything in the whole world.

      However, on the rare occasions that he did have his mask down, she found herself hyper-sensitive to his features, soaking in as much detail as she could about what he was feeling because it was a nice little moment of clarity and air for her after being shut out for so long. For the most part, Kakashi’s face was the embodiment of discomfort and confusion, but it was something she cherished, because at least she could gage a direction of his thoughts.

     But today, she could see that there was something _off_ about the silver haired ninja. Really, _really off_. She was 90% sure she wasn’t just imagining it, but she hadn’t been in the best state of mind lately, and part of her wanted to just shrug it off and leave it be. It was an expression that she just couldn’t place. Ultimately, that notion scared her, because normally, she always got the same vibe from him caused by the unspoken awkward tension between the two of them. It hurt, but it let her know where they were.

      She had made breakfast this morning, as she usually did when she came home from a mission, hoping it would give her a chance to smooth things over between them after their argument the previous night. She even made his favourite, eggplant and rice, hoping that when he came into the kitchen from his bed on the couch, they’d have something to break the ice. Or, at least, she’d have something to break the ice, Kakashi wasn’t known for starting conversations, or arguments unless he really had to. When he (hesitantly) came into the kitchen and locked eyes with her, she was immediately thrown off by not only his mask being down, but that…

      That look. That expression. The one she couldn’t place, and she found herself at a loss of words, even when he smiled weakly and greeted her, saying a quiet thanks for the meal, she couldn’t get over it. The eyebrows creased hard, mouth in a set hard line, blinking rapidly, as if he was trying to forget something. Not saying anything to him probably made things even more awkward than they were, but Kyoko couldn’t help it.

     She expected him to be…angry…or irritated, not typical emotions he particularly expressed, but it was emotions he did possess. She could count on her fingers the number of times she had seen Kakashi either of those things, one of them being the time when he had walked in on her and Genma in bed together. That’s what she expected this morning, and she was going to apologize for it, she never meant anything she said the night before. She had been emotional, tired from her long mission, and Kakashi’s resistance towards her presence set her off. They were working it out, weren’t they? These types of things took time, she knew that, and as much as she wished they could push it back behind them sooner, it wasn’t that simple for Sharingan Kakashi, she wasn’t going to be selfish. She recognized that when she agreed to marry him, and she didn’t want him to feel pressured or that she was going to leave him if his feelings were still undecided. She wouldn’t do that to him, she really did truly love him. She wanted him to know that.

      However, he wasn’t angry…and she didn’t know what to think exactly of that. He was still uncomfortable and awkward, but what else was there that she couldn’t place? She looked long and hard at him, until Kakashi finally looked up at her, a questioning expression consuming his exposed face, and she did not take notice, too wrapped up in her own thoughts.

      “Kyoko, you okay?” he asked, placing his book down on the table, “You’ve been staring at me for a while now, and you haven’t touched your food.”

      She bolted back from her slightly hunched over position at the table and turned a brilliant shade of pink while taking notice of Kakashi’s awareness to her scrutiny. “No..?” she stuttered, without even thinking about it, and then immediately regretted her words as Kakashi cocked his had to the side, concern overcoming his features, and…something else, for the love of god, why couldn’t she figure out that expression?!

     “What’s the matter?” he turned his body to face her, a strange tone to his voice.

     “No!” she said, a little too loudly, “I mean, I’m okay! I’m sorry…just uh…” her face turned red, she felt embarrassed, “I haven’t seen you without your mask in a while…”

     Kyoko counted the seconds in the silence that ensued.

     “I see…” he said slowly and she wanted to kick herself. Kakashi’s expression, always changing into something different with the same sort of look she had been trying to figure out blinked, processing her words. God, all she had wanted to do was have an apologetic conversation and tell him she didn’t mean any of the bullshit she had said to him last night. Instead, she was acting like a teenager with a crush and making the man more uncomfortable than he already was.

     Things were silent between them again; a strangeness had come over the atmosphere and Kyoko wanted to throw her bowl of rice at the wall. She wasn’t sure how to bring up an apology now, Kakashi looked like he wanted nothing more than to get away from the table and take a nice long trip to Iwa. She wanted nothing more than to get away from the table and go to some unknown land where she could clear her thoughts too, figure out how to marriage again. She couldn’t remember what they used to be like…how they were before Kyoko made the biggest mistake of her life. She wanted to go back to that, she wanted to feel whatever she felt back then because she knew it was good. Now, if only she could figure out how to stop fucking up, then maybe they would be able t-

     “Kyoko, I’m sorry…” Kakashi said suddenly, ripping her from her thoughts once again as she snapped her head up again to stare at her husband in bewilderment.

     “Pardon?” she said incredulously.

      Kakashi momentarily seemed taken back by her response, eyes widening a small fraction, and gave her a short look of what Kyoko recognized as confusion before averting his eyes from her to his bowl, “I said, I’m sorry.”

     “Um…no…I mean…I heard you…correctly I think…” she stuttered. What in the hell was he apologizing for? Being a human being?

     “Okay…” he said slowly.

      After that another silence. Kyoko counted the seconds that ensued, watching Kakashi fidget in his chair, eyes shifting along the surface of the table. She could hear the birds chirping outside in a peaceful manner, a complete contrast to their situation at the moment. He was uncomfortable, she could see that, but she need a minute before she made a complete fool out of herself again. When she finally felt like she was a little more…grounded by Kakashi’s strangeness, she finally spoke again, this time a little more clearer and a little less dumbfounded. “Can I ask why you are apologizing?”

      At this, Kakashi seemed as shocked as she initially was a few moments ago, and gave her a long hard look, mouth set in a firm line. “Because…of last night. I was…terrible to you when you came home last night.”

      “What?” Kyoko half laughed, half gasped. “Kakashi, are you kidding me? I was the one that was terrible to you last night! I’m the one who should be apologizing!” she giggled as Kakashi’s handsome mouth hung agape, as if trying to catch flies. The thought made Kyoko giggle more. The copy-nin, one of Konoha’s most powerful ninja, catching flies.

      “Kyoko…”

       Kyoko put her hand up to silence him, smiling at him, suddenly feeling ten times lighter, “Kakashi, please don’t apologize. I didn’t mean anything of what I said last night…I put you in a rock and a hard place. I was tired and frazzled last night, I’m committed to this, I’m committed to you!” This was progress, right?! She got up, smiling softly, as she collected Kakashi’s empty bowl from him excitedly, feeling a little shy to meet him face to face. But, she was so…this was so small, but it meant so much. She was excited she could fit her two cents into this conversation so nicely. Kakashi was…trying to apologize to her, when he didn’t even have to! He wasn’t being closed off or distant, he was actually opening up to her. Even if it was just a little, it was something, more than what Kyoko had gotten in a long time. She set the dishes on the countertop, staring out into the morning, blue sky and sunshine highlighting the warmth she felt in her heart.

      “These things take time. I know that, I promise I’ll try not to be so impatient, please take your time. I appreciate this, Kakashi, I appreciate you.” She turned around, a grin on her face and focused her attention on her husband. However, when she met his dazed look of blankness, her smile died. His expression, the one she couldn’t place was not only plastered over his handsome features, but through out his body language, limbs rigid with tension as he avoided her gaze. He cleared his throat and slowly rose from his seat at their table. He looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there, with her. She supposed the blissful haven she experienced for the last minute or so was nice while it lasted, but now she was thrown back into this insurmountable darkness that she just couldn’t seem to navigate wherever it concerned her husband. She got the impression that Kakashi picked up on this, because his back went ramrod straight as he faced her completely.

       “I appreciate you too, Kyoko…thank you for being so understanding.” He pushed his chair in, and abruptly pulled up his mask. Kyoko’s heart dropped into her stomach at the shield of cloth that she had been so thankful to have not seen this morning cover her only true connection to Kakashi’s complete variety of emotions. He finally met her eyes then and forced a half-hearted smile, his one open eye crinkling closed with the expression. It made her feel sick.

      Kyoko swallowed the heart pounding in her throat, “Kakashi?”

      “I have to go meet Iruka today, and I’m pretty late per usual. Shouldn’t keep him waiting much longer…he can beat the shit out of me if he really tried. I should go get ready.” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, “You have a meeting with Tsunade-sama soon, I won’t keep you from heading out to that.”

     Kyoko only nodded quietly, unable to really say much as she watched him slowly inch his way out of the kitchen. “Right, see you tonight?” she managed, voice low and monotone.

     “I’ll see you tonight.” He acknowledged, before giving her a short wave, rigid and fixed before disappearing down the hallway to their bedroom. She stood there for a few more minutes before hearing the shower start to go. She turned around and gently placed the dishes in the sink, deciding she would wash them later and leaned her hands on the kitchen counter, heaving a sigh.

      What the _fuck_ just happened?

      Was it something she said? Did she push too much? Did she misinterpret his words? What the fuck was that goddamned face he kept making? She felt her hope diminish to lower levels once more, she really thought they were making progress, but she had absolutely no sense of clarity anymore now. She desperately wished that there had been some sort of breakthrough with Kakashi’s walls, and it truly seemed like there was for a moment, but now it seemed as if there were more in place than there was before. She closed her eyes, trying to breath to find some sort of balance between reality and her emotions. She recognized she had to focus, that what she had told him was true, that she was going to be patient, they were going to work it out. Taking back what she did to Kakashi was going to be difficult, she knew that. Kyoko wouldn’t put anymore pressure on him if he could help it, but maybe the fact that she was being too openly accepting of him was overwhelming too?

      She felt a surge of immense frustration. Goddamnit, she didn’t know! The Hatake was a mystery for sure, one she didn’t think she’d ever completely solve.

      She lifted her arms to rub her temples while opening her eyes to look at the small clock beside the sink. 9:40 am, she really was going to be late for her meeting with Tsunade if she didn’t hurry up. Processing her thoughts as quickly as she could and tucking away them away one by one within the deepest recesses of her mind, she made her way to the front door and pulled on her sandals. She ghosted one more look down the hallway to the bathroom door where the shower was still going from what sounded like full blast. She shook off the feeling that Kakashi was perhaps waiting for her to leave, but she squashed it before it could do anything to her already befuddled and confused mental state and slipped out of their apartment quietly.

      Kyoko wondered if perhaps Kakashi would stay in there for the rest of his life if he could.

* * *

     She was greeted by many kind smiles and greetings from the villagers as she made her way through the busy streets of Konoha. It was certainly something which brought her spirits up immensely, knowing that people perhaps noticed when she was gone for a long period of time. She supposed 4 months was a long time to be away.

      Many even tried to stop her conversation, but she politely acknowledged them and said she had a meeting before she trotted off once again. She let a small smile grace her lips as a little child passed her by and gave her a tiny wave with his tiny arm.  Perhaps it would be much faster if she took to the rooftops like any other ninja would, but Kyoko liked the sociable aspect.

      It was surreal coming home, seeing the hustle and bustle of civilian life. She almost felt envious of the food merchants and restaurant owners, seemingly going about their peaceful day in their homes. Kyoko couldn’t remember the last time she had come home and had been able to have just a regular…civilian day, where she would pack her ninja gear away, put on a kimono and roam about the streets casually like any other normal individual. No one would be able to tell the difference, she could separate her life as a shinobi and her life as a regular human being incredibly well, unlike most ninjas who seemed to live though both of them at the same time, even when not on duty. She wished she could be home for longer, to take advantage of the one thing she craved on a daily basis, but she also couldn’t deny her duty to the village itself. Usually Tsunade had her home for a day or two before she was sent off on a long and tiring mission, ones that were particularly grueling. She assumed this meeting was to hand in her last mission report before she was assigned another S-rank mission in some far, far away country in which she would probably leave for tomorrow.

      Before Kyoko had an affair with Genma, she didn’t mind going out on long missions, in fact she lived for it. She admitted that she missed her Anbu days, the long missions, the travelling, the sense of duty she had for the village to protect it. However, when the third retired Kakashi from his long standing high rank position, Kyoko joined him, willingly of course, but also by the encouragement of the Sandaime. People with kind hearts didn’t belong in Anbu, and Kakashi and her were returned to standard service, although Kakashi was assigned to teach numerous genin teams, while Kyoko still carried on with high rank missions, her jutsu and capabilities a valuable asset for interrogation and numerous secrets. Then they married, and up until Kakashi and her started having problems, she had been completely fine with the set up, and the copy-nin seemed to be okay with it as well. Their marriage worked, it was perfect, they operated well together, despite not being together for months on end.

      Then for whatever reason, they started having problems, right around the time Kakashi got team 7, the only team he had ever passed as genin. Kyoko chalked it up to perhaps he was stressed about mentoring his own team for once, she knew that he had been doubting himself and his own teachings considering he had never passed any one of his previous teams. However, their fights began to escalate, to the point where she didn’t even know what they were fighting about anymore. She couldn’t figure out what it was, was it her missions, was it his, was it her or was it him? She found herself wishing she was home more often, wondering if maybe that the source of their problems, since Kakashi didn’t seem to know what the problem was either. They just seemed, lost and angry and frustrated and confused, and neither off them could really pinpoint why.

     And well, one fight pushed her to do something she regretted everyday since. Now, they were here.

     She sighed as she made her way into the Hokage tower and up the long winding staircase. Kakashi and her had continued on with their regular routine after they decided to stay together, but things hadn’t changed much. Kakashi urged her continue with her very important work on her missions, and she had wanted to, the intelligence gathering she was able to bring back to Konoha was incredibly important for the village, she felt like she was doing some good. But she wondered constantly if the distance was perhaps the thing standing in the way between them getting this mess sorted out. She supposed working out a broken marriage would be hard if she was never here.

      Lately, she had come to resent her work, something which at one point in her life she had been proud to do. All she wanted was the life she had always dreamed of having with Kakashi. She used to imagine her giving up her missions after a certain age, an age at which she’d be ready to stop and young enough to still have children and work as a low risk ninja for the rest of her days in the shinobi service. Her and Kakashi briefly had the conversation years ago, but both of them were still incredibly into their work at that point, so it was something that never got brought up again, especially now considering things were the way they were.

      As she neared the Tsunade’s door, she regrettably realized that now at the young, yet old in shinobi time, age of 28, going on 29, she was ready to give it up. She was ready to give anything up if it meant she could be with her husband.

       She stopped in front of the Hokage door to ground herself, throat suddenly tight. She took a few shuddering breaths and closed her eyes to calm herself.  She was a fucking mess, but she couldn’t be, not now, not when she had to go into a meeting with Tsunade for her next upcoming assignment. She wasn’t going to fall apart, not now, she had a job to do.

_Get yourself together, you’re going to be okay,_ she chanted to herself as she opened her eyes, tears willed away. She processed her thoughts and feelings once again and locked them away into the deepest recesses of her mind for her to access at a later time. Feeling balanced, she raised her hand to knock on the door to the Hokage’s office and placed a single sharp rap with her knuckles and awaited a reply. She heard some muffled and urgent conversation, before hearing Tsunade herself call a sharp and annoyed _come in_. Kyoko realized that in the midst of her thoughts, she hadn’t realized that there was a bit of a commotion occurring in the office. She reached for the door handle, hearing another voice, a male’s, talking back in the same tone Tsunade was using.

     She smirked, _gutsy_ , she thought amusedly, wondering what the poor bastards fate was going to be for talking back to the hot-blooded Sanin. As she opened the door the first thing she was greeted with was a sake cup, smashing against the wall beside the door, inches away from her head. Porcelain exploded, creating a small indentation in the wall beside Kyoko, a few drops of the alcoholic substance splattering all over the side of her arm. She blinked, momentarily stunned by the sheer force put behind such a fragile piece of material, but she honestly really didn’t she feel all that surprised. That hadn’t been the first sake cup thrown at someone in fury and it wouldn’t be the last.

       “Uh….” Kyoko said, staring down at the shattered remnants of the cup with amused exasperation. “Tsunade-sama…?”

      “There, you see that, you little fucking _imp_!” Tsunade roared, pointing her long and manicured finger at Kyoko, who looked up to focus on the fuming Godaime, clearly in a fit of very grave annoyance. “There’s a _real_ ninja, one who knows how to use the goddamn door!”

       Kyoko then focused her attention on the brave, _brave_ soul who had dared to take on the wrath of Tsunade and was met with an individual’s back, whom was wearing brightly colored orange and black clothing with blonde spikey hair. At first, she didn't find any sort of memory connection the individul, except for the fact that apparently he could pull off a bright orange color. Which suddenly made him seem so familiar, and she found herself suddenly thinking of young and loud mouthed shinobi who disappeared almost three years ago to study with Jiraiya. Kyoko felt surprise reeling her in a into an abundance of nostalgia, _Surely, that isn’t who I think it is…_

      “You know what Baa-chan!!!” The figure said turning around to look at where Tsunade was pointing. As he turned around, Kyoko was exposed to more of the teenagers features and then realized the individual in the room was exactly who she thought it was. “Using the door is fucking boring! Maybe if you didn’t have it open all the time then you-” Naruto stopped as he realized who was standing behind him, his mouth dropping open. “K-Kyoko-sensei!”

      “Kyoko, how was your _real_ ninja mission?” Tsunade said begrudgingly, directing a glare at the knuckleheaded ninja standing dumbfounded in front of her desk.

     Kyoko simply smiled, not taking away her gaze from Naruto’s shell-shocked expression, “It was very real and very successful.” She replied, stepping in to the room and closing the door behind her softly. “Is that Naruto?”

      “It sure fucking is,” Tsunade plopped down in her chair, pulling open her a drawer aggressively to pull out another sake cup. She slammed the cup on the table before pouring another drink for herself. “Trying to convince me to give him a solo escort mission. Clearly the little brat hasn’t grown up very much in mental maturity.”

      “Ahhh but he has grown up!” she said, walking towards him to stand beside him, his height almost towering her own. “My gosh, look at you! You’re taller than me!” She took in the blonde’s stature, the masculine maturity he had acquired over the years she hadn’t seen him. He lost of the rounded cheeks he once had as a child, and had gained an angular jaw and more prominent facial structures. She briefly felt a little sad at the thought of Naruto growing up, remembering the times when he was a small child and she would leave him a basket of groceries and other necessary items whenever she could. She remembered watching from a distance in fondness as he would poke his head out through the door of his rundown apartment to see what exactly had been left on his doorstep. She didn’t ever think that Naruto knew who his mysterious good Samaritan was, and that was for the best, she had been involved in Anbu at the time and was strictly unable to reveal her identity.

      However, she had seen the destruction the fox demon had done to Konoha, and was one of the few who knew the mysterious circumstances of his birth that night. Kyoko had personally felt it was her own mission to at least make his upbringing just a small bit easier, he was a child born into some unforeseen circumstance with no warning or choice. People couldn’t let go of their losses to see that Naruto had no part in the destruction, something which Kyoko couldn’t change, but at least tried to make it a little bit easier. Gosh, when Kakashi began to train team 7, she would treat them to ramen on days where they didn’t have missions, Naruto would always be so grateful and happy for a nice meal. She loved seeing his happiness, it was a strange connection she felt to the young man, she just wanted to see him grown up well rounded and surrounded with support.

       “Time flies, doesn’t it,” Tsunade snorted, tipping back another shot. “I guess you haven’t seen him yet, have you, Kyoko?”

       “No, I haven’t!” She smiled up at the blonde-haired ninja, “when did you get back Naruto?”

      Naruto just stared at her blankly, eerily quiet, expression unreadable. Her smile faltered slightly as she continued to stare on at the blonde-haired ninja who seemed incredibly tense and suddenly distant, his face slightly paling. A complete 360 from the boisterous loud mouth that was screaming back at Tsunade just a few moments ago. She suddenly felt self-conscious, calling upon some sort of defense mechanism she could use herself so she could combat the discomfort she was feeling from his intense scrutiny.

     What was with everyone today?

     She gave a half-hearted laugh and raised her arm to rub the back of he head, which Kakashi had done this morning in an attempt to lighten the mood that had settled between them. _Thanks husband,_ she thought sarcastically. “I guess maybe I look older too! You seem shocked by my appearance Naruto-kun, is it because I’m an old lady now?”

      Probably not the best thing she could’ve said, but it got Naruto to snap out of whatever sort of trance he was in and acknowledge her words. He flushed a cherry red, suddenly shaking his head furiously. “No, Kyoko-sensei! You’re young, you’re beautiful, I was just shocked to see you!” he gestured to nothing in particular at his side, breaking eye contact with her. Tsunade snorted in derision the background and tipped back another drink, which seemed to embarrass Naruto even further. He shot Tsunade a look of daggers, face flushed as he mumbled, “I got back a couple of months ago.”

      She felt a little bad, but she found the sudden bashful nervousness incredibly amusing, she never thought she’d see the day Naruto tripping over himself in front of Tsunade, whom he always bartered back and forth with. “I see, its no wonder I missed you! I just got back yesterday!” She turned towards Tsunade, “Have you sent him lots of missions?”

     She was being motherly, she knew it, and she was sure Tsunade picked up on that when she raised a blonde eyebrow at her with a strange look on her face. Or at least, that’s what she thought she picked up on. “I have…didn’t Kakashi tell you?” she said, sitting up straight in her chair.

     Now it was Kyoko’s turn to give her a strange look, feeling the tension rise in the room. Tell her, tell her what? About all the D and C rank missions she probably had them doing? She figured Tsunade wouldn’t have sent them to do anything too drastic since Naruto was just coming back. “Well, I mean I just got back yesterday, so we haven’t had the chance to…talk much…” she trailed off Tsunade’s look of confusion, and she felt unsettled once again all over. “Did something happen?”

      “Kakashi was in the hospital after an A-rank mission…”

_Fucking fantastic._

      “Hospital? What happened? Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?” She said, tone a little more urgent.

       “Err…Baa-chan…” Naruto muttered quietly, Kyoko looked over at him, noticing the paleness creeping back into his skin, as he avoided eye contact with her. His face looked like…Kakashi’s face this morning, which only aided in her uneasiness. “I…uh…need to be somewhere…”

      “Naruto, you blathering idiot, get out!” Tsunade said, standing up and slamming her hands on the desk. The blonde-haired ninja jumped before backing away and stumbling out of the office, giving Kyoko a short glance before he hightailed it out of there, slamming the door shut behind him. When he was gone, Kyoko turned her attention back the Hokage who gave her a knowing look, one filled with sympathy.

       “I told Kakashi to send you a message.”

     “Obviously, I didn’t get it.” She said distantly, a little coldly, and feeling a million times worse than when she woke up this morning. What she really meant to say was _I didn’t get it because Kakashi didn’t send it._ However, Kyoko wasn’t going to go there, considering Tsunade knew the backstory anyways. She came in one day after a particularly trying mission where there was a lot of death and a lot of blood and lost her shit in front of her spilled everything to her. Since then, she’d developed a close friendship with the leader, who almost spoke to her like a wise mother, and had always been a confidant when Kyoko needed it.

      She allowed her shoulders to slump and her eyes to droop slightly, suddenly feeling exhausted. She could understand Kakashi not being open about most things with her all things considered, but the fact that he wouldn’t even tell her when he was hurt…well, that fucking hurt her. She would've been honest wih him about her condition had she been injured while she was away, it just what you fucking do. If there was anything she wanted to know, it would be that, but Kakashi couldn’t even give her that. She couldn’t imagine coming home after a few long months and finding out he was gravely injured, dead or dying. She felt herself starting to lose the control she had set over herself before she had walked into this office, it seemed like now she wasn’t going to get through the day without some sort of event rousing up her traumatic marriage. A small eternity ensued between them, until the blonde Sannin gestured to the seat in front of her desk as she sat down herself. Kyoko hesitated momentarily before pulling the chair back and seating herself slowly, eyes bleak and tired as she awaited an explanation.

      The older kunoichi poured and tipped back another drink, letting out a contented sigh before speaking. “The day after Naruto got back, Gaara, the Hokage of the sand was captured by the Akatsuki, and I sent Kakashi’s team to bring him back and investigate. Kakashi overused his Mangekyo Sharingan and suffered severe chakra depletion and muscle weakness while fighting a member named Deidara.”

      “By Kakashi’s team, you mean…”

       “Kakashi, Naruto and Sakura.”

       “You sent a Jinchuuriki out…to fight with the Akatsuki?” Kyoko’s eye shot wide open at this, tone incredulous, “a Jinchuuriki who had just gotten back to the village and who has been off active duty for the last 3 years? You had Kakashi lead an A-rank mission like that? Tsunade-sama, that’s ridiculous!” She knew she was probably stepping over some lines, talking to her own leader like that but she felt she really wasn’t all that in control of her emotions. However, the thought barely registered as she stared at Tsunade.

       “The mission was successful. Gaara was saved and valuable intel was gathered about the Akatsuki. I sent Guy’s team out for back-up as well, which certainly helped.” Tsunade defended calmly, leaning back in her chair, seemingly unfazed by Kyoko’s obvious shift in energy. For whatever reason, it seemed to irritate Kyoko more.

      “I heard about that in a village on my way back to Konoha and that he had been saved by a couple of Leaf Ninjas. I hadn’t realized that was all of them, _including_ Kakashi’s team.”

       “Kakashi saved everyone’s lives at the cost of a long hospital stay. He did make a full recovery, though.”

      “Is that supposed to justify why you sent them out there?” The way that came out was like a crack of whip, Tsunade visibly flinching at the aggressiveness behind the quiet statement. Once she realized how she had spoken to _oh god, the fucking Hokage,_ Kyoko blushed furiously and sat up straight, clarity finally dawning upon her muddled senses. She tensed up, imagining that sake cup that she threw at Naruto earlier hurtling towards her head now. “Tsunade-sama…I..I don’t know where that came from. Forgive me.”

       She closed her eyes, waiting for some sort of outburst. She hadn’t planned to be the next person, or in fact she had never ever planned to be a person who would ever piss off Tsunade, let alone ever question her decisions. She was losing it, she was becoming a person she didn’t want to become, someone who yelled and lost their shit at people who were only doing their jobs, who were only being human, who were only being themselves. They were only doing what they thought was right.

      “You’re angry.”

      Kyoko opened here eyes to see Tsunade simply leaning her chin into clasped hands, eye filled with nothing but understanding and sympathy. “Angry? Tsunade-sama, I’m not angry with you. I’m sorry for-”

       “You’re angry, Kyoko. But not with me.”

      “But…I’m not angry with anyone?” She tilted her head to the side in confusion. Who did she have to be angry with? She wasn’t angry at Tsunade, she wasn’t angry at Kakashi, maybe a little annoyed that he had been on such a life-threatening mission and in the hospital and he didn’t send her message like he was supposed to, but she wasn’t really angry. “I’m a little frustrated today, which I apologize for. But I promise I am not angry.”

      “You’re angry with yourself.”

       She was taken back by that statement, leaning away from the large desk, shifting her eyes down to the hands in her lap. Angry with herself? Yes, she was pretty angry with herself, she was incredibly in touch with that emotion towards herself. She had royally screwed a lot of things up for herself in the past couple of years, and she was desperately trying to atone for them. She used to be focused, sharp, kind and a loyal shinobi and now she didn’t know if she was any of those things anymore.

      To say that she was angry with herself was the understatement of the year. Or the past 3 years in fact. Kyoko wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to get at, to be honest she wasn’t really sure what anyone was trying to get at as of late.

       Tsunade must’ve sensed whatever the hell she was thinking, because she was apparently a therapist whenever she wanted to be and she reached her arm across the table, gesturing for Kyoko to grab her hand. Kyoko took it after a moment, slowly raising her eyes to meet Tsunade’s sad smile. “I don’t mean to point out the obvious. I know you know what you know already.”

       “Then why point it out?’ she asked softly, “I’d like to know, because I’m pretty glass half empty lately, and I just wish someone would explain something to me so I could be on the same page.”

      Tsunade nodded and pulled her hand away, reaching in to pull out a scroll with a giant C letter written near the seal. “This…self-loathing that you’ve doing, while trying to hold your marriage together with Kakashi, isn’t going to solve anything between you two. It doesn’t help that you’ve been on blood-shed mission after mission constantly for over a decade. It needs to stop Kyoko, you need to give yourself a break.” She shoved the scroll towards a curiously confused Kyoko who grabbed it on her side just before it rolled off.

       Kyoko opened the scroll the view the contents inside, feeling her expression change from curious to shocked to…incredulous. She looked back up Tsunade, “A C-rank, _live in,_ intel mission on a minor drug trade operation to my own home village?”

       “Consider it a vacation.” The Hokage smiled, “The damn bastards of the council wouldn’t let me give you the time off. A ninja of your caliber can never rest for too long unless its physically necessary, so this is your mission for…the next six months.”

      “Six months?!” Kyoko exclaimed, eyes bulging out of her head. “An intel gathering mission to my own home village? A village 50 miles outside of Konoha and I have to live there? Why wouldn’t I just stay in the village and commute?” She didn’t mean to sound ungrateful or disrespectful, but if she was going to be that close to the village, then she wanted to live her with her _husband_. They just might be able to work shit out if she was home all the time.

       “Because I am the Hokage, and I tell you where you can and can stay during your missions, ya da ya da ya…all that crap. And putting a stop to _minor_ illegal drug trades are gold stars that may come in handy for you and the leaf. It’s an easy mission, you’ll have plenty of time to relax.” Tsunade said, attempting to be somewhat authoritative in all her boredom, waving her hand lazily at her. She poured herself another drink and leaned back in her chair, looking up at Kyoko. “That’s what I’m supposed to tell you. Though, I considered just having you stay in the village, seeing you walk in here this morning like a kicked down puppy, I don’t think living with Kakashi right now is in either of your best interests."

      She heard the iciness in her tone, no doubt directed towards her silver-haired husband, and guilt accumulated in her gut. That wasn’t what she wanted, she didn’t want to make Kakashi’s life harder than it already was with Tsunade on his ass. He had been trying that was all she could’ve asked for, for godsakes he apologized to her this morning for a fight she caused, even if it did get weird after. Kyoko felt an all too familiar tightness gather in her throat once again, feeling hot tears prick her eyes, she desperately tried to blink the blurriness out of her eyes, unwilling to let her tears fall in front of her leader, though, she couldn’t exactly pinpoint why she was crying. “Tsunade-sama, do not blame him.”

     “Sounds like he needs an ass whooping,” she retorted hastily, “look at you.” She raised her arm towards Kyoko who sniffled a little at the sudden and uncomfortable attention to her obviously fragile mental state. “You come in here looking like you haven’t seen the light of day in ten years and try to brush it off like its okay, that is NOT okay.”

     Kyoko let out a shuddering sigh, “I’ve told you that he’s trying. He’s really trying, trying as hard as he can in the way he thinks is best. I’m like this because I caused a fight last night…I was being selfish. Then he apologized to me for it this morning. He was nothing but kind and understanding to me.”

     “But you are not satisfied, which tells me there was more to his response than what you are letting on.” Tsunade insisted gently.

      “I’m not going to be selfish…these things take time.” She said it a little stubbornly, almost like a child refusing to go down for their nap, but she was calling on defense mechanisms left and right, her emotional control compromised.

       Tsunade sat quietly for a moment, scrutinizing her, making it hard for Kyoko to shake off the tears she felt welling up to the surface or her blue orbs. This time, the Hokage let out a big and annoyed sigh, reaching her hand across the table in a gesture for Kyoko to take it. She blinked away the new batch of tears before reaching out grasping the manicured hand, feeling it squeeze her own in a comforting gesture. “I’m not trying to say that what you did wasn’t…right, I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t feel guilty or sorry or whatever the fuck for what happened. If I were in your position, I’d like to think I’d feel the same way.”

     Kyoko nodded slightly.

     “However,” she continued, softer this time, “I’m also not saying that perhaps he can’t take some of that burden off of you and try in a different way. If he’s trying, then the way he’s been…trying…clearly hasn’t been beneficial to your relationship. I think the same goes for you. Something needs to change, your lives need to change.”

      “Tsunade-sama…I don’t see how me being this close to the village and not living here with him, is going to help. How is that going to help us try in a different way, what will be different from what we have already been doing?” she really just didn’t see the point. If why they were having problems was because they were always apart doing work, then wouldn’t it make sense if she was closer working it out. It didn’t matter if she was blubbering mess, relationships were hard, this one particularly trying, it took somewhat an emotional standpoint to work on it.

      “All you two have ever known with one another, is A and S-rank missions. Missions, ninja this, ninja that…which is your job of course.” Tsunade took her hand away, pouring another drink, and surprising Kyoko entirely when she slid it towards her. “You need to live a little, let loose, find yourself. Kakashi was returned to the standard forces, he’s found himself within his teaching career with his team, and supposedly that was supposed to be the plan for you. However, the more missions I send you out on, the more confused you seem everytime you walk through those gates. When was the last time you went to your home village? When was the last time you let yourself be…Kyoko the person, not Kyoko the Shinobi. Where is your roots? Where are _you_ , Kyoko? You’re an anbu without the uniform. You and Kakashi can’t see one another.”

     At the blonde’s words, a chord in her very frail patience was struck, sending her into a brief moment of frustration before she processed the meaning behind the statement. She took a deep breath, trying to prevent herself from having another outburst like the agitated one from earlier, thinking about how she wanted to argue with her as she gave Tsunade a hard look, protest on the tip of her tongue, but dying slowly the shock began to wear off from her words. The hazel brown eyes staring into her own blue orbs, filled with insistence, sympathy and concern, allowed her anger simmer and fade like a hot flame in the rain, and she considered perhaps the true implications of what exactly Tsunade was saying. She would’ve liked to think that she knew who she was outside of an intense Shinobi life, but her thought process on her way over to this meeting was filled of resentment for her work. She maybe thought that if she had the chance, she could separate her civilian and shinobi life into two unrelated entities.

     But that was the thing, she _never_ had the chance. It was missions, two days of sleep, meetings, reports, missions again. When would she have the time or the chance?

     Would she be able to…be herself, if she were away from her duties for an extended length of time? The more she thought about it, the more she thought that perhaps she really couldn’t, a complete turn around from earlier this morning when she considered herself to have no problem at all.

      She hadn’t been Kyoko, the person, in a long time. She was a walking hypocrite.

     Would it really help her, and help her relationship with Kakashi? The more sense she made out of Tsunade’s observation and recommendation (order, really), the more she saw the plausibility behind her reasoning. Kyoko needed to herself, and find herself again, and perhaps Kakashi needed to see that too, maybe she needed to see Kakashi outside of Shinobi context. Would he try differently if she separated their lives from being strictly Shinobi? Would she try differently?

     She figured it was worth a fucking shot.

     She sighed, taking the sake cup in front of her and chugging it down in one swallow before slamming the cup back on the table. Hey, Tsunade basically just said she need to live a little. “When do I leave?”

     “Either tomorrow or the next day. I would suggest tomorrow, the uh…minor illegal drug trades are soooo out of hand.” She drawled in sarcasm, causing Kyoko to snort as she stood up, clutching the mission scroll in one hand.

     She turned and began heading for the door, the spring in her step feeling lighter than when she initially came in here. She felt lighter, lighter than she had ever been in weeks, determined. Determined, because she finally felt like she had some sort of answer for the clarity she had been craving. Before opening the door, she shifted her head to smile at the shit eating grin plastered all over Tsunade’s face, like she had just accomplished some very important mission, “Thank you, Tsunade-sama.”

     “Don’t let me down!” she sing-songed in a sickly-sweet voice, sarcasm dripping from her words as she went to grab the sake bottle, which was probably close to being empty by now. She was sure she must’ve been at least some bit wasted by now, despite it being almost 11:00am. However, she wasn’t going to say much about it. She was a magnificent leader, a wonderful friend, and pretty amazing therapist when she wanted to be.

     “Yes ma’am.”

      Ready to go, Kyoko turned to open the door, but was stopped once again when Tsunade’s voice rang out, crystal clear, “You’re am excellent shinobi, Kyoko, but you’re an even more excellent person.”

     Kyoko stood for a moment, the kind words momentarily halting her thought processes with an overwhelming amount of emotion. It hadn’t been the first time someone had told her something like that, and a long time ago, she maybe would’ve agreed with them, however it had been hard as of late to think of herself as everything other than positive.

      A smile broke out on her face as she muttered a quiet, “Thank you, Tsunade-sama,” and quickly exited the office, shutting the door softly behind her. As she made her way back through the village to make preparations for her departure, she couldn’t help but feel that perhaps she maybe believed in Tsunade’s words.

     Just maybe, though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you can see...this chapter was all about Kyoko! I never wanted to paint her as this cheating villainous wife...I wanted to make her realistic. I wanted an indepth look on her thoughts about her and Kakashi's marriage. She's a person who knows what she did was wrong, and she's doing everything she can to atone for that. She recognizes her flaws and mistakes, and is someone who is human. I want the same thing for Kakashi, as he is obviously a flawed human as well.  
> The objective of this story is to highlight things are never black and white, and relationships are complex. No one is the good or bad guy, but everyone has a role in the way things play out in any sort of light!   
> Anyways...questions, comments, criticisms, anything you guys got! Let me know, I'd love the feedback!   
> Thank you so much everyone :3


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